waiting

“For I the Lord do not change..." (Malachi 3:6)
My life is just the opposite of this verse: it seems to be changing as each new day comes and goes, especially recently. 
When I read this, it was like a ray of light peering through the darkness reminding me that God doesn't change....
His plan always comes about but He is patient in a Godly way....it's a part of God's covenant love for me. 
For some reason though I only see a dim light. 


I want it to be brighter than the sun. 
I've surrendered all my fears and worries to the Lord. 
I've been praying for peace to calm my restless heart and mind. 
But I'm still waiting....
waiting everyday....
waiting anxiously....
waiting for direction. 
I'm still waiting for God's peace to overwhelm me and take away all this worry. 
I'm waiting for that ray of light to shine brighter than the sun in the midst of this confusing darkness. 


I'm patiently waiting on the Lord. 

Magnificent Beauty

I don't know what it is about the morning but has always been my favorite time of the whole day. I absolutely love it. Especially those cool, soft, quiet mornings where everything is silent except the sounds of the rustling trees blowing in the wind.
The sky is light blue with a slight tint of purple reflective in the clouds.....looking beyond into the horizon one can start to see the reds, oranges and yellows of the morning sun rising in the sky. The moon and the sun are together in the sky and only a little bit of light illuminates the sky so that one can see.
It's beyond magnificent. Amazing. Impressive beauty. Simply glorious.

I wish time could stand still at that moment.

It is in this time where I feel closest to God. In a way of trying and wanting to understand His magnificent power in creating this beauty that we call Earth. Although being a science-oriented person and learning all the different ways to prove or disprove something, my mind always returns to one key question.
How can people learn everything about science, all the magnificent wonders that we are still studying because we can't explain them, and still say there is no God?
When I think about that, my heart breaks....
But it does not only refer to the ones who completely deny God, it also refers to the believers who sometimes forget to exeperience God's beauty. It seems like everyday is monotonous, too busy or some excuse is given and we don't stop to simply breathe. We don't stop to take in the world around us but rather overlook it and pass it off as nothing important. God's creation reveals his power and beauty to us.  It's a simple yet complex thing that is easy for any person to understand and accept.
As John Piper says, "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him." .....reflecting upon the beauty that surrounds me everyday, especially in the morning, satisfies me. My heart is glad and it is my time to give God all the glory and praise.

When is your time of the day in which you stand in awe of God's beauty and give Him all the glory and praise?

I'm coming back to the heart of worship

This morning I felt the Lord tugging at my heart when I heard Will mention this quote. It was in the context of the Malachi study he has been talking about, focusing on responding to God's covenant love in our lives....I really felt I needed to share this because it can be a sweet reminder for everyone.

"I am far more sinful than I ever dared to believe but I am far more accepted than I ever hoped for."

To me this quote symbolized a new beginning for me this year.....to start fresh and regain my daily walk with the Lord. Ever more now as my last semester of college starts and new opportunites/situations come my way I need the Lord's peace and strength to envelope me. I want and I need the constant reassurance that no matter what happens it is in God's plan for my life; no worries, just resting in peace and the joy of living every moment as a blessing from God.
This quote specifically hit home for me in that I want to set a time in my schedule for the Lord.....just as I have a time in my schedule for classes, studying and working out. Just because I am busy doesn't mean I am too busy to spend time with the only constant greatness of God. God isn't too busy for me, why do I say I am too busy for him?
Well, that is going to change.

With the words of my heart crying out,

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You

All about You, Jesus

I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it

When it's all about You

It's all about You Jesus

Winter Wonderland

IT SNOWED!!!! 
This is purely shocking to North Carolina because the news calls for it but it never actually happens. People go crazy flocking to the stores, pharmacies, and local school systems cancel school before any precipitation occurs.
This time though it came and it was fabulous! I absolutely LOVE snow and the kid within me comes out to play. I really love to venture out and drive around town looking at the white blanket covering everything. Last night was great because I got to do that. 
It was peaceful. Amazing. Beautiful. A winter wonderland. I wanted to get out and stand in the snow, breathe and soak up the beauty within the moment. Moonlight reflecting upon the snow made the ground sparkle with such elegance. It seemed as if time stood still. 
In the morning, the sun makes the snow glow to another extreme. Instead of seeming peaceful, it rather brings out the glory, the depth, and the brightness of the white snow. Sweet joy is found in that moment and no words can ever describe that feeling. One only wants time to stand still. 
What else can you do but take a picture? Here are a few that I took from my house......

it's real. Now step up to the plate.

"A thankful heart is one of the primary identifying characteristics of a believer. It stands in stark contrast to pride, selfishness, and worry. And it helps fortify the believer’s trust in the Lord and reliance of His provision, even in the toughest times. No matter how choppy the seas become, a believer’s heart is buoyed by constant praise and gratefulness to the Lord." - John Mac Arthur

"It is better to be in the will of God and suffer than to be out of God’s will and be prosperous"

Wow, there are no words to describe how I felt when I read these two quotes this morning. Maybe I can muster up some to voice what my mind and heart are feeling right now because I wanted to share.

I knew the Lord was gently talking to me through those quotes. His still small voice was whispering to my heart....It's those moments that I love.

it made me smile....

Yesterday had its difficult moments but through it all I am grateful to the Lord. For one, He showed me that He does answer my prayers, He hears every tear I cry, He knows that my heart desires everything He has planned for me. Another, I am thankful that the Lord put my boyfriend there to talk with me. He gave me the godly, scriptural advice that I desperately needed to hear.The second quote in particular is a taste of the advice he gave me and I ended up reading it again this morning.

So amazing, I am lost for words.

Looking further, I realized my heart is at the point in which John MacArthur talks about in his quote. No matter how choppy the seas become, a believer’s heart is buoyed by constant praise and gratefulness to the Lord.

After that, the Lord brought me to step back and look upon what has been happening lately in order that I may see His mighty work at hand. For once in my life, God has placed a man in my path that I have been praying for since middle school. I feel like God is saying:

"he is everything you have culminated from the others I placed in your life....the characteristics that you have prayed about and have been searching for are ever present in him. That man is real, not just a figment of your imagination or your dreams. I have told you this all along, it just took time. The love I want for you Daughter, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, never fails. Because this love is of the spirit and not of the flesh, its natural fruit is joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I cannot give this love to you in or even through another except dimly, and then only in a limited capacity- for all will fail and eventually disappoint you. This perfect love, Daughter, can only be found in me.

Don't let fear rule your decisions, let my love and my peace rule what you do. Continually seek me first and everything else will fall into place as I have planned it to. I have presented this blessing, now it's your turn to step up to the plate....."

My response to that is I am stepping up. Lead me, guide me and I will follow with no turning back.

"I got you"

So for some reason I can't seem to focus today no matter how hard I try. It sucks.

I have a boat load of stuff I need to do but my thoughts are located off in the far distance, totally far away from physics.....I'm going to go and try to find them.

I found them.....One thing I am thankful for today are the friends and my boyfriend who listen when I am venting about graduate school. I hate to vent to people because it is annoying but they listen and try to calm me down. It's those small acts of kindness that speak louder to me than any big gesture would. I thank God everyday for those people....that is the fellowship that I know is the type that God wants me to be surrounded by. Its those relationships that I am willing to work for in order to keep them ever present in my life...

On the other hand, I can't help but smile and praise God even more because of his continual blessing of placing new people like that in my life. He does that when the others can't be there....its His answer to my prayers; the joy to counteract the cries of my heart. Oh, how I am in continual awe of his glorious workmanship in my life. It's an amazing mystery that is unfolding before my eyes everyday. Draws me to crave the knowledge of knowing Him more and more everyday and I gladly feed that craving.

I came across a new song the other day by Leona Lewis. As I was listening to it, I was reminded of all my friends who have been there for me. A smile came across my face....

A side note: check her album out if you appreciate amazing vocal talent. Her voice is amazing. The power she puts into every note sends chills down your spine. Purely breathtaking in every sense....

"A place to crash

I got you

No need to ask

I got you

Just get on the phone

I got you

Come and pick you up if I have to

What's weird about it

Is we're right at the end

And mad about it

Just figured it out in my head

I'm proud to say

I got you"

finals.....graduate school applications....

Oh I just had to write down what I have thinking about this past weekend because I think way too much. As my friend Lauren told me, "its the curse of having a highly active, analytical mind."

Graduate schools is coming into my mind again because I noticed that the deadline for UNC is in a week! I'm rushing to get my letters of recommendations and my personal statement written before then. On top of studying for my finals and finishing the last few lab reports.

But in reality, I'm scared.

I'm scared because I have no idea where God wants me to be. I have been praying about it for a very long time....ever since last spring semester. He has shown me a little bit and pointed me in a general direction because I have a passion to further my education. The top two important questions are: Where to go? and will I even get in? there are so many choices.....so many different pathways.....what is the best for me? What kind of job am I going to get if I don't get into a big name school for chemistry? Will I ever have high confidence in myself to succeed in graduate school? Will I get the respect in the future endeavors that I work so hard for ? Should I take time off and get work experience before going back?

I hate these questions. I hate them because they cause me to worry about something that isn't in my control. All the thinking keeps me from acting; from even starting the process in simply applying. Ultimately it causes me to look to what others think of me, or where I get my education and the grades I receive. When I look beyond those questions, I see that I am putting up idols again. Placing importance on other things to define my success or identity before God. That is wrong, unsatisfying to me, and will take me down a path I don't want to return to. Who I am is found in Christ alone. He gave me a passion for chemistry for a purpose and I have to constantly remind myself that His plan for my life will unfold in His time. Not in my time. I pray everyday for His peace to overwhelm me.....to quiet my highly active, analytical mind.

As my dad told my brother and the other day told me: "you have to shut off your brain, tell it to be quiet and rest in the fact that God has it all under control." Even if I don't know where God is telling me to go, I have to initiate the process. Then when the time comes he will open up doors and close windows......"