Winter Wonderland

IT SNOWED!!!! 
This is purely shocking to North Carolina because the news calls for it but it never actually happens. People go crazy flocking to the stores, pharmacies, and local school systems cancel school before any precipitation occurs.
This time though it came and it was fabulous! I absolutely LOVE snow and the kid within me comes out to play. I really love to venture out and drive around town looking at the white blanket covering everything. Last night was great because I got to do that. 
It was peaceful. Amazing. Beautiful. A winter wonderland. I wanted to get out and stand in the snow, breathe and soak up the beauty within the moment. Moonlight reflecting upon the snow made the ground sparkle with such elegance. It seemed as if time stood still. 
In the morning, the sun makes the snow glow to another extreme. Instead of seeming peaceful, it rather brings out the glory, the depth, and the brightness of the white snow. Sweet joy is found in that moment and no words can ever describe that feeling. One only wants time to stand still. 
What else can you do but take a picture? Here are a few that I took from my house......

it's real. Now step up to the plate.

"A thankful heart is one of the primary identifying characteristics of a believer. It stands in stark contrast to pride, selfishness, and worry. And it helps fortify the believer’s trust in the Lord and reliance of His provision, even in the toughest times. No matter how choppy the seas become, a believer’s heart is buoyed by constant praise and gratefulness to the Lord." - John Mac Arthur

"It is better to be in the will of God and suffer than to be out of God’s will and be prosperous"

Wow, there are no words to describe how I felt when I read these two quotes this morning. Maybe I can muster up some to voice what my mind and heart are feeling right now because I wanted to share.

I knew the Lord was gently talking to me through those quotes. His still small voice was whispering to my heart....It's those moments that I love.

it made me smile....

Yesterday had its difficult moments but through it all I am grateful to the Lord. For one, He showed me that He does answer my prayers, He hears every tear I cry, He knows that my heart desires everything He has planned for me. Another, I am thankful that the Lord put my boyfriend there to talk with me. He gave me the godly, scriptural advice that I desperately needed to hear.The second quote in particular is a taste of the advice he gave me and I ended up reading it again this morning.

So amazing, I am lost for words.

Looking further, I realized my heart is at the point in which John MacArthur talks about in his quote. No matter how choppy the seas become, a believer’s heart is buoyed by constant praise and gratefulness to the Lord.

After that, the Lord brought me to step back and look upon what has been happening lately in order that I may see His mighty work at hand. For once in my life, God has placed a man in my path that I have been praying for since middle school. I feel like God is saying:

"he is everything you have culminated from the others I placed in your life....the characteristics that you have prayed about and have been searching for are ever present in him. That man is real, not just a figment of your imagination or your dreams. I have told you this all along, it just took time. The love I want for you Daughter, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, never fails. Because this love is of the spirit and not of the flesh, its natural fruit is joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I cannot give this love to you in or even through another except dimly, and then only in a limited capacity- for all will fail and eventually disappoint you. This perfect love, Daughter, can only be found in me.

Don't let fear rule your decisions, let my love and my peace rule what you do. Continually seek me first and everything else will fall into place as I have planned it to. I have presented this blessing, now it's your turn to step up to the plate....."

My response to that is I am stepping up. Lead me, guide me and I will follow with no turning back.

"I got you"

So for some reason I can't seem to focus today no matter how hard I try. It sucks.

I have a boat load of stuff I need to do but my thoughts are located off in the far distance, totally far away from physics.....I'm going to go and try to find them.

I found them.....One thing I am thankful for today are the friends and my boyfriend who listen when I am venting about graduate school. I hate to vent to people because it is annoying but they listen and try to calm me down. It's those small acts of kindness that speak louder to me than any big gesture would. I thank God everyday for those people....that is the fellowship that I know is the type that God wants me to be surrounded by. Its those relationships that I am willing to work for in order to keep them ever present in my life...

On the other hand, I can't help but smile and praise God even more because of his continual blessing of placing new people like that in my life. He does that when the others can't be there....its His answer to my prayers; the joy to counteract the cries of my heart. Oh, how I am in continual awe of his glorious workmanship in my life. It's an amazing mystery that is unfolding before my eyes everyday. Draws me to crave the knowledge of knowing Him more and more everyday and I gladly feed that craving.

I came across a new song the other day by Leona Lewis. As I was listening to it, I was reminded of all my friends who have been there for me. A smile came across my face....

A side note: check her album out if you appreciate amazing vocal talent. Her voice is amazing. The power she puts into every note sends chills down your spine. Purely breathtaking in every sense....

"A place to crash

I got you

No need to ask

I got you

Just get on the phone

I got you

Come and pick you up if I have to

What's weird about it

Is we're right at the end

And mad about it

Just figured it out in my head

I'm proud to say

I got you"

finals.....graduate school applications....

Oh I just had to write down what I have thinking about this past weekend because I think way too much. As my friend Lauren told me, "its the curse of having a highly active, analytical mind."

Graduate schools is coming into my mind again because I noticed that the deadline for UNC is in a week! I'm rushing to get my letters of recommendations and my personal statement written before then. On top of studying for my finals and finishing the last few lab reports.

But in reality, I'm scared.

I'm scared because I have no idea where God wants me to be. I have been praying about it for a very long time....ever since last spring semester. He has shown me a little bit and pointed me in a general direction because I have a passion to further my education. The top two important questions are: Where to go? and will I even get in? there are so many choices.....so many different pathways.....what is the best for me? What kind of job am I going to get if I don't get into a big name school for chemistry? Will I ever have high confidence in myself to succeed in graduate school? Will I get the respect in the future endeavors that I work so hard for ? Should I take time off and get work experience before going back?

I hate these questions. I hate them because they cause me to worry about something that isn't in my control. All the thinking keeps me from acting; from even starting the process in simply applying. Ultimately it causes me to look to what others think of me, or where I get my education and the grades I receive. When I look beyond those questions, I see that I am putting up idols again. Placing importance on other things to define my success or identity before God. That is wrong, unsatisfying to me, and will take me down a path I don't want to return to. Who I am is found in Christ alone. He gave me a passion for chemistry for a purpose and I have to constantly remind myself that His plan for my life will unfold in His time. Not in my time. I pray everyday for His peace to overwhelm me.....to quiet my highly active, analytical mind.

As my dad told my brother and the other day told me: "you have to shut off your brain, tell it to be quiet and rest in the fact that God has it all under control." Even if I don't know where God is telling me to go, I have to initiate the process. Then when the time comes he will open up doors and close windows......"

the language of music

I just wanted to share something that has been an inspiration to me this semester, especially. Music has always been a huge impact on my life. No matter what I am going through or the mood I am in there is always a song that fits.

These two songs add to the "soundtrack of my life" because I know that it was through these songs that the Lord was speaking to me. Tenderly beseeching me everyday through the midst of the chaos that is everyday life.

Some hear the still small voice, but I hear singing and instruments playing when he speaks to me. It's a beautiful, never ending love song.....

Psalms 119

Psalms 119 is one of those amazing passages that a person can continually come back to no matter where their life is at the time. It's God's way of speaking to our hearts. When I read it, there is no doubt that there was a time in my life that fit into each one of those. I could have been broken, struggling to find peace or I could have been a simple state of praise and worship. It's intimate, close and personal.....the kind of intimacy that only God knows because it is the depths of every persons heart that he discovers.

Every word you give me is a miracle word—

how could I help but obey?

Break open your words, let the light shine out,

let ordinary people see the meaning.

Mouth open and panting,

I wanted your commands more than anything.

Turn my way, look kindly on me,

as you always do to those who personally love you. -Psalms 119:129-132

In general, the book of Psalms has to be my favorite of all time. The way that it is written can be viewed as a love song to the Lord. It's a poem of worshipful words, the kind that gets to the heart of the matter. Yes, there are times in the book that people talk to God about their frustrations, heartaches and struggles of unbelief and faith. But the beauty of that is those stories are turned to prasing God because he holds true to his promises and sweetly reminds the reader of His great, unending, unconditional love. Those words are truly the greatest love song every written and will forever remain the greatest love song. Nothing will ever measure up....it is the one that my heart desires.

Oh, love me—and right now!—hold me tight!
just the way you promised.
Now comfort me so I can live, really live;
your revelation is the tune I dance to. -Psalms 119:76-77

finding peace

"Solitude is not so much the place we find answers as the place we decide if we're going on, possibly alone- without them. Many of us will. Why? Because the privilege of wrestling with such a holy and majestic God still beats the numbness and pitiful mediocrity of life otherwise. Sometimes we don't realize how real He is until we've experienced the awesomeness of His answerless presence. He knows that what we crave far more than explanations is the unshakable conviction that He is utterly and supremely God."

Today I was reading through The Beloved Disciple by Beth Moore because I was killing time before my lab. I came across this quote at the end of the chapter. The interesting thing about it is that I needed to read that. God knew what I needed to hear at that particular moment today.

A lot has happened these past few months since school started. It is my senior year and I am excited yet scared all at the same time. I have developed friendships further this semester but also made new relationships that have had a huge impact on me. Even if they were short lived.

One relationship comes to mind when I think about the short lived time we had together. It has been a place in my life recently that the Lord has really been working with me on. Daily prayer consists of praying for him as well as arguing with God because I am unsure of what I can do to help him. I don't know what God's will is for my life; in relation to school and this relationship.

When I read this quote I felt as if God tugging at my heart and reminding me that He has it all under control. I have no need to worry but I should find comfort in His peace. It is finding God's peace that keeps me going strong through tough times when I feel as if I can no longer do anything. I have to sit back and watch God work in the person while ceaseless praying.

After reading that I couldn't help but smile. God revealed again to me that amazing peace I can find in Him.

As Jesus says in John 16:33: "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

It was the comfort, in this sweet reminder, that my restless heart needed today....